Happy 2013!

We have a tradition here in Texas, USA that says whatever you are doing at midnight on New Year's Eve is something you will do for the majority of the new year. Here are some of my favorite pictures to give you an idea of what to do.

 

Life, Liberty, and the Search for Family

As a gay man, I can state that I have had a desire for a family of like-minded people that accept me. I obviously did not find this in my family of origin. I have spent my time since leaving home trying to find places that filled this void.

It is the acceptance that I crave. I have searched for the acceptance in the United States Marine Corps, leather clubs, and in Master/slave relationships. I have found that I do not want people that necessarily think like me because that does not allow me to change and grow (USMC). I do not want to be forced to play like other people because that does not allow me learn new things (leather clubs).

I don’t think that I am alone in this need for acceptance and family. Of the men that I play with as a Dominant or submissive, at least 80% allow this drive to enter into their play with other men. In my little family of three, we have a puppy that is striving hard to become a member. It is a conversation with the puppy that has brought about this blog post. He asked me what family means to me.

Family, for me, is a group of men that love you for who you are and not for what you can do for them. These men are intensely loyal. They are focused on the physical and emotional welfare of their brothers.

As in all relationships, our leather families have their issues. This does not mean that the idea is flawed. It just means that we must strive to meet our ideals. There is who we seek to be and who we are. As long as the family realizes that both exist, it can weather any storm.

So, as the holidays are upon us, I recommend that you reach out to those you consider family and let them know how you feel. Look past the problems you may have had and strive to tighten those bonds.

Thanksgiving

The holiday was a lot fun. While I was lounging around after a huge meal, friends began to send pictures that might interest me. I found some that interested me and I am going to share them. Enjoy.

 

 

 

Playing with a Dead Fish

 

http://shaved2thebone.blogspot.com



Hopefully your reaction was “EEEWWWW”. That was what I wanted. In this post, I am going to discuss an issue that comes up a lot in BDSM play. The issue is a submissive that tries to not show pain.

I have to admit that I was guilty of this when I first came out in leather. My thinking was that I was proving my manhood but not responding. Unfortunately, it could not be farther from the truth.

Let’s face it; most men were raised to not show pain. “Big boys don’t cry,” was heard in my family a lot. When I joined the Marine Corps, we were told that pain is weakness leaving the body. When a politician cries on National television, people question his manhood and his ability to lead. It is understandable that when men submissives start out in the BDSM community, the might true to suffer through the pain.

There are a few Tops out there that do enjoy when a boy does that. They don’t resemble most Tops but that is what they like. As a Top, I am aggravated by a submissive that does this with me. I mentor them and try to explain why most Tops do not like a submissive to be stoic. The reason I dislike it is that it takes away the reason I Top. I am turned on by the grunts and groans of a boy I am putting through his paces. I am also able to gauge where the submissive is on the pain scale. It also helps me to know if he is enjoying it.

In the cause of transparency, I have to say that I was guilty of this for a few years as a submissive. I finally had a Top, one of the four Tops, tell me that it was annoying him. He told me that if he gave me three licks and I didn’t respond to any of them then that would be the last time we played. He was not asking for me to fake it like some actors in leather porn. He wanted real, personal reactions to what he was doing to me. I realized that I hated it when submissives did it to me but I was doing the same to those men that top me.

If you are one of the men that fight the pain, decide if it is getting you what you want. If not, change. I can say for myself that giving that feedback has made my play more enjoyable and has allowed me to take things I would have thought impossible.

Trying to Keep it Together

Sorry for the disappearance lately. My leather family is in crisis at the moment and I am just trying to keep the family together. It strains my ability to be Dominant to my two boys and it shakes my confidence.

Our canine puppy is having problems. He is an eight year old beagle. He has developed abscesses in one side of his jaw. The left side of his jaw has swollen to the size of a grapefruit. We have been giving him painkillers and antibiotics to help.  We have taken him to the local veterinarian and they have agreed to do the surgery. They gave us a bill for the deposit and we both had a heart attack.

Our family is just barely getting by. One boy lost his job and is doing his best to find another. My retirement supports just me barely. My second boy is working as hard as he can to keep us afloat. The truth of the matter is that we are not able to afford the $649.00 deposit. We have some great friends who have helped out and we are half way to raising the money. If you can help, it would be deeply appreciated, if you can’t, please keep Mugsy in your thoughts.

Donations are being accepted at http://www.gofundme.com/1c4ato?pc=fb_cr&ref=nf .

I know this is a depressive entry, so I am going to add some interesting human puppy pictures to make it a little more palatable.  

 

Spanking

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What are Leathermen looking for?

I honestly hear this question many times. I hear it from people that are new to the community and trying to find their place in it. I hear it from men that have been in the community for forty or fifty years and are looking to start a new relationship. Everyone seems to want to know where they fit.

First off I have to say, I am speaking as a forty-six year old, gay, leather man. The leather community is full of so much more but I speak about what I know and live. Just because I do not speak about the leather women, the leather transsexuals, does not mean that I am not accepting of them. It just means that I am writing about my experiences. I welcome any other leather groups that would be interested in sharing their experiences. Please send me a message at 285528@gmail.com and we will make it happen.

The most important thing that I can say about the leather community is that we are people of radical sexuality. Our thoughts, ideas, choices, and priorities are not that of the mainstream. If it became part of the mainstream, it would probably not be sexually satisfying for me. We are people that are on the fringe or frontier of what is acceptable to the general public.

As a group of leathermen, I do see us gravitate towards some things. We are drawn toward things that sexually excite us. That is humiliation, sadism, masochism, pain, loss of control, giving of control, and intense play. We also seem to be drawn together to form our own family units. These family units are as diverse as the leathermen that inhabit them.  These families can have as few as two partners to as many as ten (I do not know how they made it work but they did). As gay leathermen, we tend to have strained relationships with our families of origins and seek out others to make us whole.

As a community, we tend to become parts of groups that share our feelings, political views, and play philosophies. I can say for myself, that I have been drawn to groups that put an emphasis on Integrity, Honor, Family, and Good Play. We are not perfect. Each one of us daily fails in some of these areas. What is important to me is the journey of striving toward these goals.

I have started this blog to discuss those things that I find as important to the BDSM community. I will obviously draw on my personal experiences. I hope to have others that make this journey share their insight also.